


wonderland

by gaywalkers



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: (only small though), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Books, Coffee Shops, Fluff, Libraries, Love, M/M, Relationship(s), Stars, finding each other, soft, some descriptions can get kinda deep oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:07:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29680245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaywalkers/pseuds/gaywalkers
Summary: It is said that true love is knowing your partner like an open book. Personally, Ben has never found much interest in books, he only stacks them into shelves in order to earn some money as he finishes his degree. An attempt to make something of his life that isn’t being a pawn in his dad's illegal business. It’s going sort of well, if Ben may say so. He is making honest money, no one really bothers him much at work apart from the odd elderly who he finds he doesn't mind helping out now and again. His life is considerably good, by all standards.He's not looking for a soulmate, that would imply he had a soul to share, and he sold his soul away a long time ago. But still, it never hurt anybody to look right?-Ben and Callum are both uni students looking for a way to escape their home lives. Maybe they can help each other. Maybe its written by the stars in the night sky.Or maybe books tell the story for us.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 14
Kudos: 30





	wonderland

_ This story has already happened. It is already over. Nothing can be done to change it. It is a story of love and hope, dreams and chances, courage and trust. It is a story of the blurred lines between our best and our worst. A strange thing about stories, though this has already happened, in some other universe that there are no right words to describe the time or distance, it is also happening right now. Right here as you read these words. This is not just the beginning of their story, it is also the end; dawn is rising as night is falling.  _

—

It is said that true love is knowing your partner like an open book. Personally, Ben has never found much interest in books, he only stacks them into shelves in order to earn some money as he finishes his degree. An attempt to make something of his life that isn’t being a pawn in his dad's illegal business. It’s going sort of well, if Ben may say so. He is making honest money, no one really bothers him much at work apart from the odd elderly who he finds he doesn't mind helping out now and again. His life is considerably good, by all standards.  And if he still finds himself bending over backwards to please his father, to finally make him proud of his son, then no one needs to know that but him. 

This is Ben Mitchell. The son of a notorious student, and yet, a university student all the same. An obnoxious man, who secretly just wants someone to see him. To see _through_ _him._ That’s the thing about Ben Mitchell, he’s all bluff and bravado. Who you think he is and who Ben Mitchell really is are two different things. One carefully crafted, thorns pricking from the delicate weave. 

Another - a shadow.  Because the shadow understands you, the shadow forgives you, the shadow gathers you unto itself. The shadow is generous. Its first gift is concealment: our true faces lie in the dark beneath our skins, our true hearts remain shadowed deeper still. 

The library that confines him is old, rustic. Sparsely few computers, but waterfalls of books laid upon their rightful places on the shelves surrounding him. Books opening like flowers blooming, Scented pages. Fragrant hours. Stories waiting to take hold in one's mind, lock and key that opens hearts and sets free the prayer of possibility. 

He isn’t entirely sure why he chose to do a business degree, maybe it was to show his dad he knows what he is talking about, though it’s doubtful his dad puts any stake in some poxy degree. He’s even less sure why he took a job as librarian - easy money, if he had to guess. At least no one is threatening him as a librarian, his role in the family firm supplies him with enough of that to last a lifetime.  Maybe he’s trying to find a way to escape. People talk all the time about how books free people, growing fairy wings. You could go anywhere. 

Ben prefers to stay grounded, right where he is. He’ll take scraps of escapism through dreamless nights and casual hook-ups. He’s never put much stake in fairy tales. 

Ben is doing his  _ best.  _ All things considered.  But in the depths of his heart, a monster claws. Grabs hold. Tight. Refusing to let go. Ben often looks out up to the sludge of the night sky that England beholds. Peaks of light shining through from the stars. But it’s not enough. The monster still clutches. Because in a universe where even stars can burnout, Ben fears being his best will never quite be good enough. 

Ben is the night sky. Waiting for the stars.

  
  
  


“Mind me asking what’s so interesting on that screen?” 

Ben snaps his head up to face the front of the desk he’s been sprawled behind for the past 5 hours, as he patiently waits for his shift to end. He’s met with the face of a newcomer here, though Ben would never admit to memorising the regulars at this backwater library. He mentally noted earlier that this newcomer seemed fit, and it seemed his past self was right. Tall. Slim. Hair messy, probably from him tugging at it while he read his books. Ben had caught him doing it a few times, while Ben did his hourly scan of the room, trying to find something entertaining to do. Evidently, his brain thought that checking out this guy was something entertaining. His brain has also evidently failed to come up with a response to the question the stranger asked, if the expectant expression on his pretty face was anything to go by. 

“The clock.” 

If Ben could hit himself right now. He would. 

“The clock?” The stranger parrots back at him, tilting his head slightly.

Cute. 

“Yeah. Trying to will the hours to go faster so I can go home. Believe it or not, being a librarian is rather boring.” Thank god. His confident, flirty bravado has finally shown up. Since when did an attractive male throw him off his axis? “Have you not tried reading a book? You have so many good ones to choose from in here.” 

“Book enthusiast are you?” Ben raises an eyebrow quizzically, as he watched a light blush spread down from the strangers ears as he smiled shyly. “A bit, yeah.” He catches Ben’s eyes, and time sort of just stops. Which is exactly the opposite of what Ben wanted, but he doesn’t seem to mind when met with vast blue eyes. Similar and yet unlike his own. “I haven’t actually.” Pretty boy- Ben’s brain had donned him, for a lack of a real name, frowns a little at that, almost confused, “Tried reading a book.” 

And then Ben does quite possibly the stupidest thing he’s done ever. Or maybe the best.  “Maybe you could recommend some for me?” He asks sweetly, a small smirk that’s more of a smile, painting his face. Or at least he thinks it does, he could look like he’s just sucked on a sour sweet for all he knows.  The smile that broke out on Pretty Boy’s face felt like the sun was shining directly on Ben. Only Ben. A small whisper in his heart hopes that Ben is the only one who gets such a bright smile out of the guy. “I think I’d like that.” 

It was then, Ben realised the consequence of his actions.  _ You don’t read books you idiot!  _

Unless the books are ones he absolutely, without a doubt, has to read for his degree, Ben does not  _ read. _ He does not let himself be troubled by fictional worlds where all is good and soft. He doesn’t allow himself to escape the brutal reality of his life, not for a second. His childhood had taught him that kindness was a weakness and hope breeds eternal misery. Ben’s pretty sure the last book he even picked up, he had used to smack some annoying kid in class, and then threw to the side once it was no longer of any use to him. There’s probably a metaphor there about how his dad treats him the same way, but Ben’s too focused on what’s in front of him. 

“Are you here at the same time tomorrow?” 

Ben nods, because  _ fuck, he can’t back out now. Not after the way the suggestion lit up Pretty Boy’s entire face.  _

As if only just remembering why he was talking to Ben in the first place, he pushes a book forward on the desk. “Uh, I’m returning this. Though, usually, it’s presumably your co-worker Emily who I speak to.”  Looking down at the book, more so to do his job than curiosity, Ben sees the title of the book,  _ Thesis of Psychology.  _ “You’re a uni student as well? Psychology I presume.” Ben questions as he goes through the mind-numbing procedure of returning a book. “Yeah yeah” Pretty boy chuckles, “What about you?” 

“Business. What’s made you come here at this time of day? Emily works around midday, and I’ve never seen you here before.” 

“Guess I wanted to be spontaneous.” Ben snorted slightly at that. If that was spontaneous then… “You noticed I was new? I figured you wouldn’t pay much attention to people coming in and out of here.” 

Ah. That had Ben caught out, but he wasn’t about to admit he had been intrigued by Callum, so much so that he actually acknowledged him, instead of ignoring him like he does with the stragglers that flee into the library occasionally. “Don’t get too excited, Pretty boy, I just have the regulars of this backwater memorised. You’re nothing special, letting those fictional books delude you. ” 

“ _ Pretty Boy?”  _ The stranger repeats, with a mischievous smirk on his face, something Ben didn’t expect the sunshine of a guy to be capable of. It seemed the more comfortable the stranger got, the more layers he showed of himself. Metaphorically that is.  Ben huffs. “I’m pretty sure I just insulted you, and that’s what you took away from it?” 

“You think I’m pretty?” No distracting this one. Ben likes persistence. He takes it as a challenge. 

“Well what else am I supposed to call you then, Clever-Cloggs? You could be ever so kind to a gentleman and offer your name.” 

“Callum Highway.” An outstretched hand. Ready to be joined. Shaken. 

“Ben Mitchell.” Ben offers back in kind, shaking Callum’s hand, noting its firm grip to dwell on later. It was clarifying to have a name. Made this agreement to see each other again a lot more permanent. Ben took this moment to imprint Callum's face into his mind's eye. Soft edges, pointed ears.  “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,  _ Ben.”  _ Callum does this awkward face that looks like it was supposed to be a wink but ends up more like a blink. Rather endearing. In a few quick strides, Callum was out the door, as Ben watched his retreating back in wonder. 

The hours seem to fly by after that, no other strange anomaly to that of Callum Highway appeared. Ben wandered home that night, feeling slightly lighter as he watched the cars speed past. The promise of tomorrow even made his dark empty flat seem a little less daunting than usual. 

The waiting game is over, 

The stars appeared that night.

The dark is generous and it is patient and it always wins – but in the heart of its strength lies its weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.

Love is more than a candle.

Love can ignite the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! so uhh first of all, this isn't beta read so apologies for any errors.   
> This isn't my first fic, however, it is my first go at a multi-chap fic (if you read the last attempt at a multi chap au fic, very sorry but I deleted it because I decided I preferred the plot of this story.)   
> THIS IS FOR SUNSHINECALLUM on twitter!!! Soph you are an amazing writer and gave me the courage to finally buckle down and write this fic. Also lots of love to calnben for her stunning fic everybody talks and bensbobby!! all amazing people so this story is dedicated to you all and I hope to have it finished by Ben's birthday ;)) 
> 
> title of the fic is defo taylor swifts wonderland- but it also has relevance later on in the story :)
> 
> come scream at me on twitter - MlTCHELLZ (its an L not an i) <333


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